Thursday, April 16, 2009

difference between an ‘Afghan’ and a ‘Pessimist Afghan’

Meant to write lately but whatever I tell lately is about how things are not fun. sooo done telling pessimist stories; so I thought maybe I should tell you this. Here is a joke.
Can you tell the difference between an ‘Afghan’ and a ‘Pessimist Afghan’?
The later would respond to a joke by ‘damn it, so unfair. Can you believe that?’ The later would say; ‘that is funny. Tell me another one’.
I met a man earlier who is about to marry a relative of mine. The so called bride is usually nervous and wants to make a good impression on relatives of his future wife. Nervous I hate; mmm, Hate is rather strong but more like don’t keep on speed-dial. It put me at unease; I just can’t stand the view of somebody who is ruining his moment and not enjoying the company. i went to an easy mood and attempted to be not only funny but acrobatic funny. Something I had learned from a good friend; ‘people would like and feel at ease if you act as a clown’ she said. i suppose she is particularly right about nervous wankers and pessimists. Whatever I said he was damning it.
I said ‘man, sure is many dogs in this neighbourhood’.
Looking at the floor or out the window he responded ‘damn right. They are certainly a nuisance’.
That didn’t go well. I recognised if we talk about something he felt positive about then he would be less nervous. Searching among the limited topics you could talk about with a stranger.
‘the weather is certainly rainy these days’ I said.
‘can you believe that. Things are just not right’. He said.
I was getting desperate. I thought of jokes. So I told him one.
‘A man had two goldfish, he named one of them "One" and the other "Two". he did this because… if one died, he'd still have two’.
His mouth started to spread toward his ears but he held his grin ‘damn it, so unfair. Can you believe that’.
Later the relative asked me what I thought of him. I said:
‘he is a perpetual pessimist who will only tire you out.’
She asked ‘what do you mean?’
I said ‘well, he is a pessimist. He doesn’t see the bright side of things. Life is gloomy and doomy for him.’
She looked rather confused and shoke her head ‘but who doesn’t’. she is right because she is surrounded by pessimists.
‘Most of the people on the planet’. I said.
She didn’t seem sure. ‘Like who?’.
In an attempt to show my confidence ‘all the good writers’.
She exclaimed ‘really’.
I took her to my books and I showed her my favourites. She picked, the brothers Karamazov, dostoyevsky’s master piece. ‘But it’s brutal murder and violent love. Its gloomy; it portrays a potential of criminality in all of us.’ She said.
‘ok, maybe not this one’. I said. then I give her ‘The sound and the Fury’ by William Faulkner.
‘a story of self destruction seeded in love . how crap is that? …’ she said.
I soon give up. ‘This is not what I thought it should be. But there is a lot of good stuff within’ I said.
A bit disappointed ‘really’ she said.
‘How about a joke?’ I said.
‘go on’ she said. …….. ‘that is funny. Tell me another one’ she said.