There is a lack of personal coherence among most Afghans. They can not establish principles as much as they like to. Ideas and loyalties are filtered by tribe and religion. The principle of demonstrating against the Israeli attack on Ghaza and supporting Palestinians is not because Afghans, which also goes for all Muslims, are anti war or condemn military invasion. They admire Hamas’s militancy and has glorified Saddam’s invasion of Kuwait. Afghans are deeply tribal and religious; only those sharing a tribal and religious association deserve absolute support while outsiders are enemies by default. Bzia an Afghan of Tajik origin condemns Stalin’s arbitrary borders sketching in central Asia, resulting in dispersal of Persian speakers between several countries, losing their ancient cities and cultural heritage. At the same time Bzia endorses Bush cowboy style smugness because he saved Tajiks from Pashtoon Taliban. Bzia does not even understand, let alone believe in national self determination or antimilitary occupation principles. His concerns appear to be based on western principles but it is not. It is tribal, he is upset about Tajik minority treatment in various central Asian countries and he finds it easy to blame something in the history; another Afghan peculiarity when addressing present day realities. The Afghan elite and intellectuals can not overtly establish a rational position in favour of their ethnically driven morality; though they very much like Hitler Nazism. Ethnically and religious driven fictions have committed atrocities that could never again be justified. However, Afghanistan continues to remain at the hands of ethicism and tribalism but obscured with western principles. Borrowed western principles are perverted to the possible limits to fit their purposes. The western principles such in politics and economics have been claimed as a value system but the practice is hypocritical.
Adult Afghans can not act as they resolve. I have come to know many enthusiastic Afghans who wish achievements through education and work but they can not do it. They lack the willpower to grab the moment for their intentions. General lack of determination at all levels of society has realised the need of an alternative force, dogma. Dogma is the underpinning every action. The power of dogma has compelled the population do things which don’t make sense. Behave and converse in certain ways all the time. Human nature does not approve dogma giving room for hypocrisy. Dogmatism obstructs religious morality to be internalised. Not everything could be determined by dogma unless we are talking about Taliban; any other Afghan is a hypocrite.
The reason children are not as good as their counterparts in the rest of the world in their studies is not because they don’t want to study but they lack the will and discipline to study. When children are made to study by adults and parents, they try to do. I have observed in the last month working with a group. Three weeks ago I asked each separately why they don’t study while they want and they are told to; the answer is ‘I will study tomorrow. Today is my last day off’. This is the answer everyday for the last month. It is the next day, it is the next step but it never happens. When I provide feedback to the children I work ‘look you haven’t been studying, I could help you study’. The child would agree with me and we decide today is studying day. I depend on his initiative to do the actual studying. I provide a quite room for him to go and sit quietly. But he can’t be bothered to study. Children are neglectful. When people are brought up under oppression they tend to be neglectful. They lack the will for action; they are usually driven by violence and use of force. They have lost their free will to take action. I have tried to renegotiate a situation and accommodate every demand; I had or the job was still neglected. It is hard to bother people to care. It is hard and stressful. People would swear to you to do a job or commitment and you’ll agree on the details but it will not happen. Values like trust is not part of daily life but in the romanticised surrealism of pop culture living parallel to realities. As much as an Afghan wants to be trusted, he will fail when an action requires the willpower. Sometimes an Afghan can be trusted, but that is when trust requires something within his routine realm of ability. Trust is not a principle. Principles like fairness and belief are sought to be seen as preserved because the society is dogmatic which requires this to base everything on principles. But at the end of the day, things are not determined by principle but at person’s ability to do or not to do. Words such as fairness and morality don’t exist in the full sense of the meaning. Fairness would require making changes to the current lifestyle and frankly the lifestyle in the choking dogmatism of Afghan culture can’t be bothered with change. For instance going back to working with children. I decided with the children that best time of the day to study is morning. Their mind is clear and ready to observe; once they go out and about and start playing it is not easy to return them to their studies. It didn’t quite work out for children, morning turn out to be slow, busy and sleepy. I made a schedule of chores for them instead. Chores are not usual for children to do. The women of the house do all the work, no need for children to bother. Women are also quite intimate with children, as men are not spending much time with them, women to be nice to children does work on their behalf. I told children I’ll pay them in exchange for the work they do. I thought it is a fair barter. They do work as I assign them in exchange they get paid. I thought this could be a way to teach children to be responsible for a job and in charge of their spending. Children were quite excited, and could hardly wait to get their first week payment. Children are not given allowances in Afghan families. They are bullied by their father or older brother to do work for them – not by women as often. Children need money and they usually earn it by stealing. When I talked with children who had stolen home supplies either from their or others houses were in dire need of money. Children then lie to their mothers if they find out about their extra cash. Fathers do not have much communication with their children and will never find out about their extra cash or new gadget they have purchased. Mother’s lack the will to talk with fathers; she is usually blamed and punished for shortcomings. Conversations between spouses are concerned with the gloomy and doomy side of things; the husband comes harsh on the wife by blaming her. Wives are scared to bring up anything about family life with their husbands. Communication has strengthened mother son relationship much more than mother – father relation. Because mothers can not give love to husbands they are usually close to their sons to the extent that they admire their sons. Probably a reason why boys grow into self-centred men in Afghanistan. The boys have to steal because they don’t have other choice. Then the option is between lying and being beaten up by the father. Lying really starts to work for children which later turn into a habit ravaging our society on daily basis.
Children who I assigned chores refused to do after less than a week. At their homes they were not able to do chores; it conflicted with so many other things. Children perceived chores as an unfair practice. ‘Why should I do work when my elder brothers and parents are not doing anything’ said a child. ‘I don’t want to put on my clothing and bring water from the well. I want to relax like everyone else.’ Said another child. I went to talk with the parents and elders and told them children felt they were not treated fairly. Parents accepted they will make changes, we agreed, so children could do their chores. After a week children reported no change in their parents. Adults had no where else to go so they could be comfortable in their privacy but they could also not adjust themselves so the younger family members could feel they are treated fairly. The cultural and economic life doesn’t allow principles such as privacy and fairness to flourish. Fairness requires the consistency of action and talk. In Afghan culture fairness has been redefined into something compatible with the authoritarian nature of the culture. Some people such as parent and clergy are fair if they talk fair, even if they act unfair. A common proverb is ‘don’t mind the action of the Mullah, follow his talks’. In talks everybody sounds fair but their action is unfair; fairness doesn’t work this way. Fairness is a behavioural code; not a conversational tool to be pedantic. Afghans are not as nice as they think they are; if Afghan bring a bit of realism and throw away a bit of ‘all is perfect’ cultural attitude then things would change for good.
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